She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
