put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
