I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
