ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
