I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
