...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize