Im at strip club and am horny
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
