Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
