I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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