That's intense
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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