Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
