I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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