Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
