i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
