She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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