CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
