Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
