Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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