i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
