Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
