Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
