My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
