I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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