I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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