1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
