I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
