It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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