You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
