You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
