she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
