I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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