there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
