sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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