JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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