the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
