Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
