if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We got so high we made milksteak
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
