It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
