her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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