I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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