Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
