i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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