I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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