We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
