Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
