If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I want is dick and wine.
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