just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My vagina is officially offended.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
