Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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