WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
