are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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