About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
