I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
