I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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