I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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