So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
