Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need water and some morals
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
