He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
