lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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