sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My life is pants optional.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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