i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
