i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
