i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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