she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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