Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize