Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
