Just fell off a train. Bad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
