I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize