we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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