I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
