Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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