i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
