He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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