I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
