I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
