I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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