Nicole vs. Life
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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